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The Write Stuff
By Jane Allen

March 2005 Questions and Answers

Dear Jane - Every rejection I get feels like the drip, drip, drip of failure to me. How do I deal with that? - Dejected and Rejected Freelancer

Dear D&R - I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. If you are doing what you want and feel confident about the quality of your work, then you must keep charging forward. Remember, each rejection is just one person's opinion. If the letter includes comments, that's a good sign. Take the advice, make changes and resubmit. If not (and you're certain that your article is right for that publication) wait several months and send it again. (The turnover rate for readers tends to be pretty high, and chances are that your piece will land on another desk the second time around.) Comments or not, keep looking for other places to submit. Set a minimum number of queries per week for yourself and send them! To keep you inspired, here's one of my favorite examples of a writer who wouldn't give up:

Rod Serling created the very successful "Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery" TV series and authored many of the stories for those programs. Writing for radio paid the bills while he wrote the dramatic TV scripts that he really loved (and that made him famous). He kept submitting those scripts and getting rejected. In fact, he received forty rejection slips in a row! But he didn't stop trying. Six years after selling his first TV script, he received an Emmy for his work and went on to earn five more Emmys.

Dear Jane - I made the leap four months ago. I quit my job to work full-time on my novel. I've never published anything, but I'm finally going to try. My dear husband is totally supporting me on this, so that's not a problem. What IS the problem? I feel lonely, isolated. I'd really like to be able to bounce ideas off of other writers or even just have a coffee with someone who knows what it's like to spend hours rewriting two paragraphs. I've tried e-mail discussion groups, chat rooms and message boards. They just don't do it for me. I need real people! Suggestions? - Amy in Small Town Texas

Dear Amy - As you have found, isolation is not a writer's friend. First, do an Internet search for "writers club [plus your city or state]." Go back to the discussion groups and message boards and tell them what you need and where you are. Go to www.craigslist.org. There are craigslists for Austin and Houston. Post on the "writers" discussion board asking about writer's clubs in your area. Other ideas: If there's a college or university near you, check there. Put up a notice on bulletin boards in the market, the hardware store -- wherever you can. There must be at least one other lonely writer nearby. If there isn't a club already, you can start one!

Dear Jane - I'm a freelance writer and work mainly from home. Four mothers in my neighborhood and I share the carpooling of our kids to/from school. One mom in particular (and others, too) calls me whenever she can't fulfill her carpooling duties. This happens at least once a week, and I am expected to fill in. They always have reasonable excuses, but I feel like they are taking advantage of me. When I say, "Gee, I'm really busy today...." I get responses like, "But you're home all day. It will only take you a few minutes." I have appointments and deadlines to meet just like everyone else. How come I don't get any respect? -Vicki

Dear Vicki - You're right. They are taking advantage of you. It sounds like your neighbors think that working from home isn't "real" work. They don't value your time or the work you are doing, and you're letting them get away with it. Next time you get one of those calls, have your response ready. Be polite, but firm. Say that you really wish you could help, but you are terribly busy today and just can't do it. If the caller insists, stick with your script: "I'm sorry. I wish I could help, but I just can't today." Set some boundaries for these women!

Dear Jane - I'm a mid-level executive in publishing. My colleagues are mostly male, and they use pretty foul language, especially in meetings. I'm no prude, but I find this offensive. The other women do, too. How should we handle this? Do we have to talk the same way to fit in with this bunch of 30-going-on-12-year-old guys? - Bleeped

Dear Bleeped - Can you really imagine yourself sinking to that level and getting into their [expletive deleted] match? You probably can't top them. (And why would you want to?) Their behavior could be meant to shock you to see what reaction they get, or they may be protecting their turf and reaffirming a boys' club "No Girls Allowed" attitude. Whatever their reasons, it won't be to your advantage to try to fit in and be one of the guys. In a recent study, 100 male CEOs were asked what intangibles hold qualified women back. One factor mentioned was women trying to fit in with the "male vocabulary." Keep it clean. Don't let them see your disapproval. Hold on to your dignity.

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Jane Allen, M.S., M.F.C., is a career coach and a freelance writer. Before transitioning to coaching, she was a psychotherapist. Jane lives in San Francisco. Unexpected intersections...Amazing moments of synchronicity. Please tell me your story! www.connectingstories.com. Need writing advice? Contact Jane Allen at thewritestuff@penwomanship.com.